Code Words

I say it's over and it will never work, that I'm done and I'm never walking this path again, that it hurt so much the last time that I would never even dare.
I still feel the pain, the hurt, the past I claimed was vain but still has its snares all tangled over me, the emotions I brag are dead and my brain spinning trying to play the role of "I don't care".
If only you saw within the signs or could somehow read through my codes that family means ily...
My slow songs and lousy dance moves, my unnecessary jokes and curious laughter, my over concentrated persona and over dedicated ethics I use to stair you away, body languages i fear would show and actions I'm scared you'd see.
Those many moments I held you and said I just wanted to say hello or how I would slither my hands through your hair claiming there was something there, or sat in awe from afar and stared.
When my every words now are tamed so as to not make you know I said it or I intend to say it, and so I run and bury my heart in despair
Its almost dark now and we await the first move, both our guards held high and our pride slowly sagging down but I put out the last glow to extend the dark so you may never see my fears
Hearts aching, soul crashing, flesh burning, spirit breaking, spending my entire day trying to fit it into words, trying so hard to unlock this feeling that I can no longer bear.
Sad days aren't the moments we are apart but the once we spend together and I'm still unable to show you that I never really died out and that I'm still here.
So, I put my pen to pad, write out what I never really said, I wish to show you in my silence, or light your soul in the darkness, make you see me stare in the blackness, and notice my strange look as I say, we are just friends... And i can only hope that in that moment, you can really tell, that I just said I am in love and I will forever care....

Scott. C Eneje...