My Toy Soldiers (Part 2)

So I'm suppose to write to entertain you, tell you how much it hurt so you could find comfort knowing you are not me seeing what you have going better than I do.
But I'm suppose to be the leader and my crew looks to me to guide them, perfect my mistakes and flaw my perfection that they may awe in wonder on who leads them
But this is a different ball game, calling out orders and watching them follow step by step like toy soldiers and yet wanting to have friggin minds of their own
I know they'd give their lives for my course and their loyalty is way more than any award is that we never win
So they match step by step, left right left, bit by bit and still we never win but they still follow like puppet toy soldiers scaring the crap outta me cause I never liked the chukky movie
But I'm also suppose to be the soldier who never blows his composure, and if some shii ever does pop up I'm suppose to be on the front line and have it fixed before it kills members of my team as well
Pointing my direction somewhere else for a bit, I look to those I trust to have me fixed up while I lead my pups into wolf-hood but they wanna have an erection on me to blow the dust off their rust
I'm not even gonna go there before I start calling names and take this beef way beyond what my intentions are, but fuck it, ain't like I'm freshing off of it, I'm still in the gutter as pay day for a mighty blow off and am kissing off this blow job that exploded right at my face
Truth is I'm done trusting, never paid to hope favour had blessing working with her and they'd both shine on me when I most needed grace to work for my sins and mercy would speak but had her mouth chocked up with that pissing pipe pulled up in
Back to being the leader whose team looks to him to guide em, they just follow and make it tougher to take a break without risking them stopping half way just cause I needed to have a piss by the corner, makes me wonder the cost for peace these days
Now I can't be a good partner and leader all at the same time, can't make her see that fix it Felix is just a game and only problems uneventful really keeps the screw in. But all of my effort screws me up even more and I'm sure soon I won't be screwing that no more.
I really wanna make her happy, be the man she deserves and the king my people see me to be, but it get so hard sometimes I just sit down and grit my teeth. Finding it hard to keep my head straight making it all impossible to think. I hurt her so much now she just wanna go ahead and kill herself but I'm not gonna have someone else's coffin rest on my conscience
I'd give my life to have this fixed up and not just cause I feel the pressure to but because I'm willing to be the bigger man and let it all go away. But I need to learn to lead em and keep her all at the same time
There's no way I won't show it, not when I'm holding the weight of the whole world up on my shoulders, yet I'm suppose to set an example, my team ain't suppose to know it, even if it means going toe to toe with those benzenol or more poppings from pentasozine
So there's this tiny thing up that hill that want to have a piece of me too, forgetting that when I'm loosing it, I don't stop to think, when you start to run it I just blow off and forget how much I love you all that I walk away from it all and never look back
My wreckage is epic and my story trivial but I won't publish quite yet just to entertain you and if I must write it down, it is so these toy soldiers know what it cost me to maintain sanity in my mad hatters head.