Confession of a Mad man

I know what it is I'm waiting for, my silence and disappearance is all part of the show for a grand unveiling.
But lying in wait here in the shadows have meddled with my mind, I do not remember my own plans but I haven't forgotten anything.
I know the grand plan and the finishing, but all my pieces are gone from me, my cold sad mind creeps into the shade, my soul in itself begins to fade, my body dried up and drained, my watery heart tear up in sadness and drowns my organs
I've been called many things of late, failure, fool, fraud, fake, freak, false, fowl, faun, fucked up, faded and finished, I never knew there were so many f' words used to demoralise a person
I've ran from the law and from the wicked, I've been abused by friends and chastened by foes, frowned at by teachers and forsaking by mentors
I never thought all these were part of the process, I never thought that my path would one day drag me down this abyss, I never knew that I'd hate and fear loneliness so badly and yet crave it so intensely.
The only joy I have is the Haven I've found. I trust her love but fear she too would leave me soon.
I hear the crowd cheering, waiting for my closing act, everyone outside want to look within, but in my darkness all that looms are gloom and goons seeking my misery and despair.
I've felt this heart ache for so long, I'd rather not feel at all than live like this. One way or another it has to end soon, either I quit or all these pain be gone
I feel that strange cold again, sadness just ran down my spine, I write this down because I can't have you here now to say them to you.
I open my eyes to see one last time before the light would flee, one more gasp to lift my heart as it bleeds.

Today's Chronicle Entry - Despair. #IWishYouWereHere
Scott C. Eneje