Counting The Years

Been trying to pour this out and not offend anyone in the process

But how can I be honest and say what I feel and not prick someone else’s feelings?

It was easy to get offended and make up in front of a game as kids than it is now as adults

Sometimes, the pressure of growing up makes me wish we never grew at all

Destiny must be pursued, success must be attained, life must be fulfilled, death must come and judgment must be faced, all these things only makes living a stress we dressed and painted.

But it’s better to feel pain than to never feel at all, so if this makes you hurt know you are living still

First, to those that I loved but made the feeling a sting from hells’ kitchen and a meal to kill

You lie, steal and cheat, and then you beg me from your knees, tell me you mean it this time

You tear many holes in me, the once I can’t repair, but I still love you I don’t really care

Second, to those who love me but never see me pay it back, you give your heart and I’m cold as ice

I’m sorry for what you feel and what is and maybe will always be, turning cold wasn’t a choice I made

This may sound cliché but it isn’t you, it’s me, the thing about broken pieces is that we have sharp prickly edges and hurting those who try to pick us up is just something we do without the will to

So keep your head up my love, your love is well observed, received and being worked on as you read

Third to those I would give my future to and make a family with my dreams, friends in path like mine

I’ve battled long to get us all to Zion’s gate but you would not walk with me

You would not walk my path and would also not let me walk alone, you hold me to the ground that I can barely breathe

I’ve searched for the oxygen theatre that I might breathe again but you choke me daily with the poison gas you fill my tank with and force me to thank you for the death that you feed me still

My OCD’s been knocking me in the head that migraine has become my friend and falling to sightlessness have become a regular path for me and blindness overwhelms me and makes me hers

I promise you that I will move on with or without you and if you think killing me is grand I write to inform you that dead men don’t die again, especially not by the hands of living fools, I will walk alone and take my future from your hands and for hurting me this long I can only repay with a simple “goodbye”

Lastly to those who believed in me, family and blood that never left my side, brothers from ages past and those brothers that shared living quarters inside a dark slimy tunnel

We will come out grand and I’m sorry I walk so far from you in the days that you need me most

I keep running from monsters to ensure that they don’t see you or come after you

One day, I’d be done running and I’d face those monsters once and for all and we’d share a path once more

I’d play my part in this game to ensure we all win, even if it means I suffer and bleed daily and alone to see you all at the victory line at the end.

Heart poured out with still a full jar to go, but from me to you I write and say that I mean this, this time,

And with what’s said and those unsaid, keep your head up. Keep on the lookout, I’m coming soon.