Scott C. Eneje Blog [The Scott C. Eneje's Chronicles]

Do you remember how sad I once made you? How much you loved me and it seemed a waste? Many things should have crossed your mind? Many thought should have made you cry? Did you ever look up to the stars and wondered who cursed you? Where you ever told to give me up? Did you ask the question of where is the love? Do you remember the songs that filled your heart? What about thoughts of what could have made us special? Reasons you held on and not give me up? Those days I said goodbye because I wanted you gone for someone else to come Did you hate me for making you wait for me to be stupid and return even more stupid? Did you sit up all night wondering why I couldn’t feel or see your sweet heart bleed? Did you curse this world for being unfair and sending me your way? What about days that made us special and the nights I ruined for nothing but my pride? Did ever go to bed wishing the dawn wouldn’t come because you knew I’d be gone with the sun? Were you up all night...

I look around hoping to hear those voices again. I know they come from within but pretending it's someone else had always felt more sane And now, for no reason, my usually noisy head, decides to keep shut I know it's not calm and I can't get what's it's playing at with my heart I dig a hole in my mind and take a telescope with me, if I can't see the stars I might as well get a better view of the dirt. Nothing still, nothing else, nothing less or more than the wicked silence within I see the writings on the wall, they seem strange to me but I know I wrote them all. I'm chained down by this demented quietness in me, but my mind wonders about untamed. I think I'm looking for something in my head, I think I know what it is, I'm just not sure I can think right now. Story of my life, is the story for the gods, after eons with nothing to do, why not play a game with the mortals soul. They play strange music in my head, or my heart or my soul or m...

I know what it is I'm waiting for, my silence and disappearance is all part of the show for a grand unveiling. But lying in wait here in the shadows have meddled with my mind, I do not remember my own plans but I haven't forgotten anything. I know the grand plan and the finishing, but all my pieces are gone from me, my cold sad mind creeps into the shade, my soul in itself begins to fade, my body dried up and drained, my watery heart tear up in sadness and drowns my organs I've been called many things of late, failure, fool, fraud, fake, freak, false, fowl, faun, fucked up, faded and finished, I never knew there were so many f' words used to demoralise a person I've ran from the law and from the wicked, I've been abused by friends and chastened by foes, frowned at by teachers and forsaking by mentors I never thought all these were part of the process, I never thought that my path would one day drag me down this abyss, I never knew that I'd hate and fear...

I now taste salt water, if i don't hold my breath i'd breathe it in. If I don't breathe I'd die here in vain, but what then would be the gain? I'd die just the same This is why i never wanted to dive in, shouldn't have trusted you with this I was captain of my sinking boat, now i'm drowning in the oceans you made We are starting up just where we left off hoping that I would have learnt to swim Pretty soon you'd be floating away while I sink into the flood I shouldn't have loved you the same, said it past, should have just kept going my way home I tried, you cried and lied, I dived and drowned and died, and you got my heart flooded tonight. I'd never trust you again, we would just stay friends, when this salt and sea goes dry. I still taste salt water, on my lips, felt your hips, been there. But couldn't stop myself from jumping into the ocean You knew just how to get me didn't you? Just a little salt water under your eyes and I...

Do you want to know something interesting about some of us who loves to help people? To fix problems, answer questions people can't, save people, teach and guide, to protect people? Some are so choked up with personal problems they can't fix, problems they can't share or let people see and its eats them up daily and deeply that its taunt their dreams and scares away their nightmares, that in their quiet moments they are hunted by monsters of their own making and in order to cut down on the pain, the grief and the sorrow, they look for broken and stray pieces to fix, they find solace helping others and seeing other people feel a happiness they cannot... They derive brief moments of pleasure in the happiness they create in others, one they cannot make for themselves. You are looking for the heroes? Look within the shadows and see them lurking in the darkness that shrouds them and consumes them from within. They lie in wait for someone to ask for help that they may present t...

Sometimes I feel like i'm going nowhere and sometimes i feel I'm just rolling Sometimes I feel like I'm out of my mind and sometimes I feel I never had one to begin with. How do I loose something I never had? How do I find something that was never there? There are times I leave my own head and go head hunting, before you call me murderer know I'm just trying to see if someone else's head is more quiet than mine around my neck Don't tell me to be tough and stay strong and that real men never quit! How do you even know that you are real or anything else is? Have you died before to see what is ahead or do you remember the life before you were born? Let me define my own real and say the very word is the principle on which illusion exist and only nut cases ever get a glimpse of the shadow that walks in full form. You say be strong through it, never give up and never give in but you have no idea how many times I've tried, and haven't you defined stupidit...

Scott C. Eneje Blog [The Scott C. Eneje's Chronicles] : THE ROOF OF THE WORLD : So I started off this high ground, keeping my pace and enjoying the gaze, while I kept myself to myself I kept on at it, saying hi...